Dynamic Scripting: Four Steps to Prepare for Challenging Conversations

Preface to this Post: ‘Challenging conversations’ are not to be confused with situations where you are threatened, demeaned or afraid for your wellbeing. Abusive actions and speech are not acceptable, and your only priority when faced with such behaviour should be your own safety and security.

Challenging conversations can cause anxiety and distress because they involve an element of risk:

·      Risk of damaging a relationship.

·      Risk of not meeting a goal.

·      Risk of being misunderstood.

·      Risk of being perceived as rude or mean.

·      Risk to your reputation or the reputation of others.

This article will teach you a dynamic scripting tactic to boost your confidence in tackling challenging conversations.

A lot of anxiety is caused by not thinking things through. Our brains get stuck on the scary or stressful part of a scenario… and they stay there, stuck in the WHAT IF…  

This exercise will help you think through and beyond the WHAT IF by imagining different scenarios (bad, meh and great) and envisioning your response in each case.

Unexpected situations will still arise, but thinking through possible outcomes and responses will help you stay poised in unpredictable situations.

The more you have challenging conversations, the more your confidence will grow, along with your capacity to address issues productively and build strong relationships.

To demonstrate the scripting approach, I am applying it to two scenarios:

·      a sales scenario where the challenging involves asking for something;

·      a feedback scenario where negative feedback is delivered.

STEP 1: Identify your goal for the conversation

First things first, be clear on why you are having this challenging conversation.

·      What’s your goal?

·      What’s your ideal outcome?

·      What is the key message you need to convey?

·      What is the behaviour that needs to change?

Be specific in answering the questions above and in your communications.

In the sales scenario, you are making a cold call with the goal of booking a meeting with a potential client. You will want to:

·      AVOID vague asks: “Are you available for a meeting?”

·      APPLY specific asks: “We are visiting NYC in November to run demos of our upcoming software release. Are you available to meet in the second week of November?”

In the feedback scenario, you are a manager delivering tricky feedback to a colleague whose work is not up to par. You want to focus on what is improvable and changeable.

·      AVOID vague / all-encompassing criticism: “I’ve been receiving complaints about the quality of your work”

·      APPLY specific feedback on a changeable behaviour, offer support and be open to feedback in return: “The newsletters from July and August included typos and punctuation errors. I want to speak with you about how we can improve the September and October newsletters and avoid errors. Our company Style Guide is a great resource for developing communications products. What do you think will improve newsletter planning and quality?”

Now that you know your key message, you can prepare for possible responses.

STEP 2: Prepare for a negative reaction

This is your worst case scenario, the anxiety-inducing scenario that involves frustration, rejection, tears, defensiveness, aggression, negative feedback based on historical relations with your organization/team, shutting down or blaming.

What will you do if your conversation partner reacts poorly?

Think about how you will stay calm by not mirroring any negative emotions you receive.

If the person is frustrated or hurt, your instinct may be to apologize. Instead, I recommend reiterating your positive intentions.

You can also offer clear next steps for moving forward.  

In the sales scenario, a poor reaction would be someone trying to blow you off, thus closing the door to a potential opportunity. You may react by reiterating the potential benefit for your contact and showing you value their time and knowledge:

“I was not intending to interrupt your work day; I am reaching out because I think your company could really benefit from our software. Can you suggest a time next week when I can call to hear your views on your company’s pain points and opportunities when it comes to software?”

In the feedback scenario, a negative outcome is a colleague being hurt or angry and a damaged working relationship. Reiterate your positive wishes for the colleague and your trust in their ability to improve:

“You are really talented. My role is to provide feedback when there is room for improvement so you can continue to develop your potential. I will send you a meeting invite for next Tuesday to discuss your suggestions for how we can improve the newsletters.”

STEP 3: Prepare for a lukewarm or ambiguous reaction

Not everyone is great at reacting on the spot to unexpected asks or feedback. Be prepared for a middle-of-the-road response and envision how you will maneuver out of a stalemate.

If your interlocutor is quiet or confused, you can always ask questions to make sure your message is being received and that your request is clear.

In the sales scenario, if your contact seems confused or uninterested, check that you are speaking to the right person:

“Do you participate in decision-making about software for your company, or can you recommend someone else I should reach out to?

In the feedback scenario, open up the conversation and encourage your colleague to share their perspective:

“Do you have any feedback for me on how we manage newsletter content and creation?”

STEP 4: Prepare for a positive reaction

Sometimes when we are nervous about an interaction, we don’t allow ourselves to imagine an optimistic outcome. This means we may fumble when the response to our ask or feedback is affirmative.

Don’t be blindsided by a positive outcome! If your contact reacts positively, what will you do to identify and solidify next steps?

·      Have your calendar on hand so you can schedule a follow-up call or meeting

·      Share resources, documents or product information

·      Discuss who else should be involved in next steps

·      Confirm contact information and preferences

Putting Your Script into Practice

The purpose of the dynamic scripting exercise is to keep you fluid and DYNAMIC.

Do not spend hours of time memorizing your scripted lines. That defeats the purpose and leaves you feeling lost if things go off-script.

The goal is to think through specific responses to various scenarios while maintaining the flexibility to engage naturally in the conversation.

What all of these scenarios – the good, okay and bad – have in common is the element you can actually control: your own words and responses.

Practicing maintaining self-composure – even through uncomfortable situations – is how you will grow as a communicator and professional.

I hope all your challenging conversations end with positive outcomes!